Are You Cursing Your Sex Life?

“Our sex life is terrible.”

“My wife is draining the life out of me by refusing me all the time.”

“It would be just fine with me if we never had sex again.”

“How can I not feel like crap when he never desires me?”

“All he cares about is sex, sex, sex.”

Variations of these complaints come across my inbox every day. I understand.

And yet…

It occurs to me that sometimes the words I’m seeing in my inbox or hearing from someone’s mouth have been rehearsed. Again. And again.

Have you ever been so angry/hurt/disappointed that you found yourself stewing over your mate’s faults? Have you felt that you would find relief by somehow articulating just how bad it really is? In fact, you can find yourself blind to all that is good and meditate on all that is bad, crappy, sexless.

It’s easy to do.

And you are welcome to do it.

However, words carry power.

Words stir up our heart in a certain direction.

Words galvanize the meaning we give to experiences.

Really – we could just as easily speak different words, rearrange our focus, and come up with different meaning about the issues we face.

We can’t change the past, but we can change the meaning we give to past events, and transform our reality.

But what do “blessing” and “cursing” really mean?

There are dictionary definitions for these terms, but for our purpose I’m going to define the words like this:

  • Bless – verb: to release life, happiness, healing and wholeness to a situation or person, more specifically, to release a situation or a person to the very will of God.
  • Curse – verb: to speak death, misery, sickness, or human judgment, against a situation or person.

What we often don’t realize is that when we take it upon ourselves to be the releaser of the curse, we take that situation out of God’s hands and into our own.

God is a curse breaker. His ways are infinitely above ours.

Here’s the rub:

Very often “calling it like we see it,” is nothing more than cursing cloaked as observation.

Faith does not call it like it is. Faith calls those things that are NOT as though they were.

This is as true in our sex life as anywhere.

So, here is your mission, should you choose to accept it:

Stop cursing your sex life.

Stop pointing out to yourself all this is wrong with your mate, or even your self.

Call forth what you’d like to see, what you believe is truly the highest plan for your marriage.

It’s impossible to do so without an accompanying feeling of gratitude.

Let’s give examples from above.

Instead of,

“Our sex life is terrible.”

Say, feel and lay hold of – “Our sex life is turning around, even when I can’t see how!”

Instead of,

“My wife is draining the life out of me by refusing me all the time.”

Say, feel and be open to:

“Even though I’ve taken things personally in the past, I am seeing how to become more and more attractive to my wife.”

“All these issues are part of our success story.”

“I love that woman and she loves me.”

You get the idea.

I am not saying this will be easy.

Not saying you won’t feel like a liar.

But even if you WERE lying, did you know that a lie heard often enough becomes believed as truth? Why not “brainwash” yourself with life-giving thoughts?

For just 2 weeks, ask for your eyes to be opened to how often you release the curse.

Make the decision to release blessing.

I had to do this when my husband came home from the Gulf. After the first month, the adjustment to each other was suddenly unbelievably awkward.

I’ll talk more about that another time.

The good news is, we are stronger than ever, and you can be too.

Sex For Life

One great aspect of men growing older is that they become slightly less obsessed with their own sexual arousal and need for sexual release. Now that his own need for orgasm is less pressing, my partner is able to focus on my arousal and can bring me to orgasm through using a combination of anal and clitoral stimulation.

As a young woman I was never conscious of my own physical arousal and my body appeared to be almost innert to any stimulation from my partner. Sometime around my mid-thirties, I found that my body went through a remarkable change – it was as if my body blossomed sexually.

Even intercourse became more sensual due to increased natural lubrication (still no arousal though). From time to time, my mind gets turned on now and I am conscious of the pelvic area behind the external clitoris being swollen and physically aroused (gross but true). For the first time, I was able to enjoy my partner arousing me via manual stimulation of the clitoris.

These physical orgasms are different to those I get from masturbation when I use sexual fantasies. They are often intensely pleasurable but the increase in heart rate and breathing as well as the sense of releasing sexual emotions with the subsequent relaxation are all missing.

“Orgasms vary, both between women and for the same woman at different times. We experience different qualities of orgasm depending upon the degree and kind of stimulation we receive and also on what is going on in our minds.” (p76 Woman’s Experience of Sex 1983)

Experts sometimes try to reassure women by suggesting that orgasm is unimportant. Unfortunately, once a woman is familiar with orgasm from masturbation, she tends to assume that the whole point of sex is the sexual pleasure of orgasm (just as a man does). It is only women who are unfamiliar with orgasm that think it is unimportant.

Female orgasm is important not only because women today want to justify their participation in a sexual relationship but also because men want their partner to be turned-on by sex. Men will only enjoy the best sex once women are given the information they need to enjoy their own sexual pleasure. Lack of orgasm represents a dilemma for many modern couples.

Men’s need for sexual reassurance

I told Bruce, the sexual psychologist I went to see, that in over twenty years of investing in my sexual relationship, the only orgasms I have experienced are from anal stimulation. Bruce, quite evidently thinking that I was being overly particular, asked unsympathetically: “So what’s your problem?”

“Anal intercourse is no longer considered to be abnormal and is enjoyed by many homosexual and heterosexual couples. As long as the decision is mutual and without coercion or guilt, most professionals believe that anal intercourse is simply another way for a couple to find pleasure with each other.” (p12 Dictionary of Sexual Terms 1992)

Perhaps other less adventurous couples, who have made do with intercourse over decades, are more adept at using sexual fantasies. Perhaps other men accept a ‘lie back and think of England’ partner and use affairs to spice up their sexual fantasies. My partner wanted a lover who was positively engaged in sex and I have always considered faking to be humiliating. Some women do explore sexual pleasure, like myself, in order to keep a marriage (and family) together simply because men hope a lover will enhance their sexual arousal so that they can enjoy sex fully.

A man in his sixties, suffering from prostate cancer, was worried that he might not be able to continue to have sex. He was so depressed about losing his ability to become sexually aroused that he felt, without sex, life would not be worth living. Male sexuality, including sexual arousal and orgasm, represents not only a man’s masculinity but also his emotional foothold on the world. A long term sexual relationship provides a man with a strong sense of emotional well-being and fuels his ability to succeed in the otherwise emotion-less world of men.

Change Prospectives About Sex

Earth is so old. God made the sun, earth, the moon, and other planets. That´s what many of us believe. Now no one knows if that is the truth. Now this can also be denied by many anti-religious people. But something has made this world? Now lets take it to be God himself. Now God made everything that exists in world today. When it comes to evolution of the human race, we know talks are going to crop up about Adam and Eve.

Adam was the supposed first male of the world and Eve was first female. Now God knew that a male alone couldn’t continue to race. So just like he made a female side to all the animals, he made a female side to human also in the form of Eve. Sex then became the most important activity. This is because if there was no sex, there would be no human race. As sex increased, humans increased. This is the reason why sex SHOULD be given a lot of importance.

Today, there are many countries in the world where sex is considered as a taboo. I am from a very different kind of a family. I was born to an Indian lady and a Scottish man. This is perhaps the reason why I have an open and broad mind about sex. If I were born to an Indian couple, then I would be considering sex as a taboo like so many other Indians. Why is it that in developing countries sex is not given the importance and the openness it needs and deserves? Why is it that the inhabitants of these countries have forgotten the basic lessons of evolution of human race? Is it so shameful?

Now I don’t know so much about other developing countries apart from India. Now this stay in India, I have learned that pre-marital sex is supposedly obscene and a taboo in itself. If a girl loves a boy, all efforts are made to separate them, at least in most cases. But yes, its true, even India is trying to adopt the western culture. What they don’t understand is the way of clothing, the cosmetics, their skin color, and such things are not what they should be picking up from the western culture. They open-mindedness is what is required. The orthodoxy is what has to vanish and banish. But it will take another 62 years for that to happen, or may be even more. No one is going to go to each of the small village in India and tell them to speak freely about sex, to be actively involved in it. I mean why be against sex, where as Hindu religion (predominant religion in India) is the only religion with a complete BOOK on sex? Its the only religion where God is shown active in sexual activity (Lord Krishna in Kamasutra). Now when you believe so much in God, shouldn’t you also believe in everything related to the same God?

Sometimes I don’t quite understand now I cant help that. But now that I am staying in India, the girl I am in love with is an Indian. Now I was always worried about the possible differences we might have had in our mentalities. But I am lucky and I must say that the generation today even in a country like India is making efforts to understand sex. A person who is actively involved in SAFE sex is a hero in himself. He shouldn’t be looked at as a criminal.

Why is it that sex is seen as a taboo? This is because surely somewhere sexual activity might have been used in non-acceptable manner. This is the reason that when it might have happened in an uncontrollable account, sex was made into a taboo. I really hate those men who have to take advantage of their physical ability to force a lady into some sort of sexual activity. Sex is not something to be hurtful and forced. It is something both a man and lady is supposed to enjoy. They should be able to compliment each other in sex.

A couple that is healthy in their sexual activity, is a healthy and wise couple. Sex has changed over the past centuries. With time everything changes. Earlier, oral sex was not that famous, but when a religious script like Kamasutra have oral sex pictures and paintings, there is no harm in actually having it now in the sex dictionary. But personal hygiene and health is a must. You cannot be personally unhygienic and spread you bad hygiene to the person you are getting sexually involved with.

Now some might say after being with the same partner for long might turn sex into the most boring thing in life. But this is sadly not the truth. Just like sex has changed in itself so much since the past centuries, we can blindly accept that so many changes have been caused, that means so many modifications have been made, that means there are so many things that can be done differently, that further means that its a vast subject, which no one ever bothers to research apart from sex experts. This is exactly why sex experts make such a posh living. Because everyone wants to have a non-boring sex life, so in stead of researching on their own they take help from the sex experts. Well there is nothing wrong in it. I myself am in favor of this. The margin of mistakes and risks are lower in taking help from a sex expert.

What am I trying to say in this who writing here? I am just trying to talk freely about sex. Because if a person has to be good at sex, he has to be able to talk about it freely to the world. This is just my try to be good at sex. This is just something I learned from a sex expert. Talking. Talking about the subject sex, itself gives you the interest and enthusiasm to have a better sex life with your partner. My next article is going to be the various beliefs about sex that people have in mind, mainly ´SIZE MATTERS´ notion. For now I can only say, don’t be ashamed of talking about sex, don’t be ashamed of having sex, be a LOYAL and SAFE sexually active person.

A good sex life will reflect in your day to day activity. The night you make love to your wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend, the next morning you are happier than the morning before. The key to keep the lock called love open and alive for many more years to come is Sex. Use this key well and healthy and decently and legally and you will see how smooth your relationship with your partner goes on.

Thank you for reading…

Cheers [_]>