Buying A Cat From A Shelter – Secrets To Finding The Best Kitty

Buying a cat from a shelter is a great idea because there are millions of wonderful kittens and adult cats waiting for someone to adopt them. It just takes a little extra sleuthing to be sure you are getting the right feline friend for your home.

When you bring a cat home from a shelter you can pat yourself on the back because will be giving a cat or kitten in need a much needed chance to have a happy home. In many cases you will literally be saving their lives.

These days you may not even have to visit the shelter to adopt because they are being very proactive about getting kitties out to where the people are. Such outreach programs can be found at adoption centers in pet superstores, at fares and festivals and even on busy street corners and in office buildings.

Shelter workers will question the person surrendering the kitty for as much information about it as they can get but that’s not always a lot. So you’ll have to rely on your and their observations of the animal in question to decide if this cat will make a good friend for you in your home.

Start by getting a feel for the temperament of the animal. Is it outgoing or does it sit in the back of the room and hope no one notices it. If it’s outgoing does it play well with the other animals there or does it bully and dominate the other cats. Neither situation is “Wrong” but it will tell you a bit about how this cat will behave in your home.

Well socialized kittens can play easily in nearly any surroundings so a kitten who is awake but hiding in a corner or who is obviously frightened of you should send off warning bells.

Adult cats are more reserved so you’ll have to give them a bit more leeway because even the nicest, most friendly cat in the world can be miserable and disoriented in the cages of a shelter. But in general an adult cat who is used to people will be friendly and inquisitive towards you.

Be sure to check for signs of good health, then ask for all the information the shelter staff have on the animals you are interested in. They will have a file on each cat or kitten containing all they found out from the person who surrendered the cat as well as vet results and their own observations.

Ideas for Fancy Dress Parties

Fancy costumes have been around for ages now. Years in the past you could see costumes only during the Halloween but now that has changed and the use of popularity of fancy costumes have greater manifold. You can find people dressed in fancy costumes in a made up birthday get together or some other crafted parties. You can even see a lot of crafted wedding are taking location as properly exactly where all the visitors are sporting crafted costumes resembling famous figures mixing with the theme of the occasion. A well planned extravagant gown made up party is a guaranteed good results and people of all ages enjoy these parties to the fullest.

If you have been preparing to throw a fancy dress party or have been invited to attend one, then you require to feel smartly about picking up your nice costume. You can attempt and make your very own nice costume instead of purchasing a single. This can be simple and much more affordable for you. You can paint your self blue and become Aladdin’s Genie or paint silver all around to become silver surfer from Fantastic Four.

If you have kids, then go for some cool Disney characters which will surely make them happy. Make sure that, you select the costume that resembles their favored cartoon character. For girls you could select the Small Mermaid or Minnie mouse. You can also give them snow white princess costume and make them experience really particular. There are also characters like Jasmine, Alice from Alice in the wonder land for the girls.

When it comes to boys, you have a great deal of alternatives to choose from. You can go for Sinbad the Sailor or Tarzan. You can pick Simba the lion king, Peter Pan or Captain Hook. In circumstance of boys, you can also pick their preferred motion hero from any cartons or movies. Superheroes like Batman, Spiderman, Superman, Hulk and others can be an extremely excellent choice. When once again, make sure that what ever you select is liked by the children and also they need to feel at ease wearing the costume. Stay away from providing them any subtle accessories as they may possibly destroy individuals things while taking part in.

When it comes to adults, you require to be more innovative and innovative. People have to look great in their costumes and at the same time have to blend with the theme of the event. You can also select from film people and well-known and charming characters from books. You can choose people like Captain Jack Sparrow or some renowned roman emperor which would be mighty extraordinary. In case of women, choose costumes which would make you look sexy and sensual. You could choose marvel girl costume or a costume from women super heroes like catwoman or figures from The Incredible.

Accessories play a really crucial part in giving your costume the perfection which would make it a unique one and grab the attention of the crowd.

Therapy for Sex Addiction: Dealing With Intimacy

Any definition, discussion or exploration of compulsive sexuality begins thusly:

“Sex addiction is an intimacy disorder characterized by” blah, blah, blah.

Then it goes on to name the symptoms: pre-occupation with thoughts sexual; persistent, unrelenting urges to sexually act out; continued use despite adverse consequences, loss of control and so forth.

Such definitions are frustratingly vague. While emphasis is given to the symptoms of sex addiction, the idea of it being “an intimacy disorder” never seems to be addressed. This is unfortunate, indeed. I think a “disordered” pattern of intimate relations is at the core and foundation of this debilitating syndrome.

Vanilla sex addiction, fetishism, exhibitionism/voyeurism, BDSM, and all the other various and moribund kinds of sexual perversions are fueled by the very basic (and healthy) motivation to connect.

Sadly, somehow or other, the urge to connect is misfired. Rather than seeking a real relationship with a real person who might, in fact, satisfy some of one’s real relational needs, the sexually compulsive tries to connect with the “unreal” in fantasy. It is a solo act. Sex, for a person who has a perversion or addiction, is always a narcissistic, self-centered endeavor. It is not related sex. The endorphin rush of the sexual high is so dear to them that it precludes any idea of sharing sexual pleasure with a cherished one in the service of enhancing a bond.

What is intimacy?

Let’s look at the word “intimacy”. From the dictionary: the word is derived from the Latin intima, meaning “inner” or “inner-most.” The definition suggests that to be intimate, you need to know your real self. This ability to be in touch with our inner core is a requisite to being intimate.

Our intima holds the innermost part of ourselves, our most profound feelings, our enduring motivations, our values, our sense of right and wrong and our most embedded convictions about life. Importantly, our intima also includes that which enables us to express these innermost aspects of our person to “the other”.

So, to be in relationship, and to know yourself/your partner sexually, you need to know and respect your intima. The intima is also the way in which we value and esteem ourselves and determines how we are with being with others. To put it simply, if don’t value yourself, you can’t value another. If you’re not aware of needs and wants, or are shamed by them, then sex becomes no more than a fuck.

I think every person I’ve ever seen in my consulting room for sexual compulsions suffers from estrangement from his intimus. We can survive the disapproval of others. The feeling can be painful, but it’s nothing compared to the disapproval of ourselves. Your personal well being and your ability to love another cannot survive your dislike or disrespect of yourself. If you dislike yourself, you’ll never be comfortable with your sexuality.

It bears repeating… the outstanding quality of intimacy is the sense of being in touch with our real selves. When “the other” also knows and is able to express his/her real self, intimacy happens. Sexuality is both an expression of that intimacy and a bond that enhances intimacy. With this kind of personal/sexual intimacy, our growth experience as humans is energized, enhanced, and fueled. Intimacy is the most meaningful and courageous of human experiences. It’s why people long for it so.

The Perils of Intimacy

However, despite this universal longing, fear and avoidance of intimacy is a reality for many people. People fear and even dread that which they most long for. No wonder there’s such a demand for psychotherapists!

So why would people fear, avoid or sabotage this wonderful thing called intimacy and, in the process, avoid person-related sex?

Sexual compulsion is the end point, the tip of the iceberg, if you will, of a long history of developmental events that begin in early attachment difficulties with caretakes, subsequent overwhelming experiences the child is unable to assimilate, an impaired ability to regulate feelings and impaired self-development.

The capacity for bonding with others is vital for human survival and well-being. Our capacity for intimacy is formed in the crucible of the first two years of life. Mothers that are needy, narcissistic, depressed, enmeshed (over-involved), distant, too protective, controlling, chronically angry, addicted to substances, frustrated with their husbands and displace their needs onto their children… raise children who have the psychic imprint of closeness as being dangerous. They also raise children who will carry self-hatred into their adult lives unless they get good treatment.

If the child’s need for attention, soothing, stimulation, affection, touch, discipline, validation, and so on goes unmet, or is met with feedback that is punishing, invalidating or rejecting, the consequences are woven into the structure of the developing personality. Such children may turn into themselves and disconnect from others, regulating their emotions through the use of substances or process addiction, like sex. They fail to learn to utilize others to soothe or comfort themselves. This increases the child’s vulnerability to mental health problems. These people actively seek familiar environmental interaction, thereby recreating and reenacting familiar early rejections and frustrations with others. They spend their lives further cementing their original isolation.

They develop a rigid defense system (boundaries, walls, turning inward to not need others) in order to psychologically survive. But what worked for them as children doesn’t work for them as adults. For these people, the vulnerability of intimacy harkens back to a time when they were vulnerable as children and they fear re-traumatization in their current relationship.

When a person like this is loved – seen in an affirmative light and encouraged to grow and change – this rigid defensive structure is threatened, so their psychological equilibrium is disrupted. Being loved is not congruent with the negative tapes they run about themselves. They can’t allow the reality of being loved to affect their basic defensive structure. Being vulnerable and open to change feels so threatening that they eschew close relationships and mature sexuality.

Entering into a relationship without having some resolution of childhood wounds results in various kinds of fear of intimacy: fear of being found inadequate, fear of engulfment, fear of the loss of control, fear of losing autonomy, fear of attack, fear of disappointment and betrayal, fear of guilt and fear of rejection and abandonment and so forth.

For this reason, I believe that current sex addiction therapy doesn’t go far enough. Focusing on symptom change techniques, such as relapse prevention, abstinence and social skills training, is necessary, but not sufficient. Successful treatment for sexual compulsions ultimately depends on a depth-approach that can ameliorate the underlying attachment disorders and manifestations in adult intimacy. Literally, a new pattern of way of attaching needs to be “carved” into the brain – the person learns a totally different model of relating.